Four strangers found themselves traveling together in the same compartment of a European train: two men and two women, all facing one another.
Across from the older lady sat a man in his late forties, a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private, fresh out of boot camp.
As the four chatted about trivial things during the ride, they suddenly entered an unlit tunnel, plunging the compartment into complete darkness and silence. Then, a distinct kiss broke the quiet, followed by a loud slap that echoed throughout the cabin.
The older lady thought, “How wonderful it is that, even in this permissive age, there are still young women who have enough self-respect and dignity to avoid such behavior.”
The young woman, puzzled, wondered, “Why would any man want to kiss an old fossil like that when I’m sitting here?”
Meanwhile, the young private, grinning from ear to ear, thought to himself, “What a crazy world this is—where a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it!”
=================================
A woman walks into a bar.
She’s very inebriated, so she stumbles to the bartender. ‟I will have a whiskey schlour!” she slurs.
‟I can’t serve you ma’am, you’ve had too much.” The barkeep informs her.
Looking disgruntled, she walks out the front door.
A few minutes later she walks in through the side entrance. ‟Barkeep, give me Gin and Ginger.” she hiccups.
‟As I told you before, I can’t serve you, would you like me to get you a cab?” The bartender says patiently.
Looking quizzically at the bartender, she shakes his head and stumbles out.
A few minutes later she walks in the front door again. ‟Give me Blue Motorcycle!” she demands.
‟Look ma’am’ the bartender says sternly, having lost his patience, ”if you do not let me call you a cab, I’m going to have to call the police.‟
She peers at him with red, blurry eyes and mumbles, ”How many friggin’ bars do you work at??‟
===========================================
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
Captain Hook “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”
“What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
“Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a c.annon ball, but I’m fine now.”
“Well, OK, but what about that hook? “What happened to your hand?”
“We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a s.word fight. My hand was c.ut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really.”
“What about that eye patch?”
“Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”
“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t lose an eye just from some bird shit.”
“It was my first day with the hook.”
