Took the family out to eat at Applebee’s. The parking lot was packed, but I spotted a guy heading to his car, so I waited about 10 minutes for him to pull out.
Just as he left, a car full of young girls swooped in and stole my spot.
You know the type.
I rolled down my window and told them I’d been waiting for that space. The driver just smirked and said, “Too bad. Your name wasn’t on it.”
Livid, but keeping my cool, I found another spot, parked, and went inside to eat.
While we enjoyed our meal, I noticed the girls at the bar, taking shots and getting completely wasted. That’s when inspiration struck.
When we finished, I slipped our waiter a $20 and gave him a simple task: Wait 10 minutes after we leave, then go up to the girls and tell them someone called, saying their car just got keyed.
Now, let me be clear—I DID NOT KEY THEIR CAR.
About an hour later, I called the waiter to see how it went. He could barely talk from laughing.
Apparently, the girls lost their minds—screaming, freaking out, even calling the cops.
Here’s where it gets even better. The police arrived, checked the car, and found zero damage. But they did notice something else—the girls were too wasted to drive.
The cops left, circled the lot, and waited. Sure enough, not long after, the girls stumbled out, got in the car, and started the engine.
BOOM! Parking lot lit up in blue lights.
DUI arrests all around.
I didn’t hear about the bonus until a week later when I went back for a beer. The same waiter saw me, still laughing about it, and filled me in on what happened.
I handed him another $20. Best $40 I ever spent—and I kept some drunk drivers off the road.
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A retired Army General moves into a new apartment after quitting service.
Over the next few weeks, his new neighbors realized that on the weekends he would return to his apartment at 2am very drunk, remove his left boot and slam it on the floor, remove his right boot and slam it on the floor even harder and then go to sleep.
Since the force of these thunderous slams was enough to wake up almost everyone around him, and this was a family complex no less, the neighbors decided to go to his house and confront him about this one morning.
“Mr. General Sir, thank you for your service to our country, and we welcome you to our apartment complex.”
“Thank you”
“Sir, we realize that serving the country for so long can really take a toll on someone, and we want you to enjoy your retirement…”
“Okay?”
“But, sir, can you please, kindly, not slam your boots down in the middle of the night once you return home on the weekends? It’s waking us and our kids up.”
“Oh! I didn’t know that. I am sorry for waking all of you up like that, how stupid of me, it won’t happy again.”
“Thank you so much, sir”
The next weekend the General returns home drunk and sits on his bed. He removes his left boot and slams it on the floor; removes his right boot and- “Wait a minute… this is what they were talking about, isn’t it?” he says to himself in his drunken stupor. He gently places the right boot next to the left one and goes to bed.
An hour or so later the General wakes up to the sounds of the doorbell ringing continuously and heavy knocking on his door. He gets up, waddles over to the door and opens it to find a group of his neighbors standing outside in their nightclothes –
“SIR! Can you please just slam the other boot already so we can all get some sleep!!?”