After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.
The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets.
Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, “Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water.”
…
..
.
A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds.
It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded, etc. Sell for $150.00.
She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out. The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.
She asked the woman, “What`s the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?”
“Well,” she said, “it`s my husband`s car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: `In Miami. Need money. Sell car`.”
=========================================
Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching.
Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent’s nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
“Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.”
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ”Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.”
Her mother just smiled and replied, ”Of course I do, dear…. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.”
